When we trick ourselves: 4 ways of not looking

I know this well: Something hits me, and before I even consciously notice it, I have already shut down.
It is a protective system. My system contracts. My view narrows, and everything wants just one thing: to stay in control.

Over time, I have tracked four typical reactions, first in others, then in myself. It is easier to notice things in others.

Here are the little strategies for gaining distance when something actually wants to come closer. And the order matters.

1. Deny – I don’t want something to be true

This is the fast, hard defense. Something feels threatening, and inwardly I say: “No. That’s not true. That’s not who I am. That’s not how it is. It can’t be.”
Within seconds I put up walls and act as if nothing were there.
Deny keeps the world seemingly stable. But only because I push things away and don’t look.

2. Reduce – It’s really not that bad

Here I become smoother. I admit that something is there, but only in miniature.
“Yes, that was unpleasant, but no big deal.”
I shrink what actually touches me. That way I can keep the feeling of being on top of things. But in doing so I sacrifice the depth at which something would really move.

3. Confuse – I no longer know what’s true

When I land here, everything gets fuzzy. I think in circles, sort, analyze, explain, qualify.
I believe I would be looking for clarity, but in truth I am avoiding it.
Confusion is more comfortable than insight. It allows me to keep thinking without having to change anything.

4. Be Ignorant – I don’t even want to know

This is the quietest form of defense. I sense that something in me is calling, but I turn the volume down, and I turn distracting things all the way up, to the point of drama. I keep myself busy, scroll, work. Another nice effect: I declare myself too tired, which, paradoxically, is often true.
Ignorance is not a failure; sometimes it is simply a sign that I am not ready yet, or overwhelmed.
Not yet.

And then?

With conscious recognition, I take the first steps.
These strategies do not show me that I am failing. They show me clearly that I am protecting myself. And most of the time that is a good thing.

At some point, after enough detours, the moment comes when I look.

Deny. Reduce. Confuse. Be Ignorant.
And then perhaps: Acknowledge.

That is the point at which defense turns into awareness.